Dad: How much is the force of 4 kilonewtons?
Me: Yeah.. you're funny. That's like asking me how edible is a microchip.
Dad: 899 pounds!
Me: Ohh.. well of course. Carry the five. Mmhmm.

I'm Not Picky

Delivery Guy: I'm not sure how you manage to stay single. Are you a closet crazy person? Or just that picky?
Me: Remember those chain emails from the late 90s? I didn't forward one in the required five minutes. So now I'm cursed. That shit is real!
DG: Closet crazy, check.

Life is a river. You can swim, you can float, you can drown. But you must keep moving. So.. move.

Hot and Feisty

He: You're half Filipino? I'd never have guessed. You're dark and short, I actually thought you might be like South American or Mexican or something.
She: Jalapeno.. Filipino.. what's the difference, right?!

Burst or Break

I hope Kahlil Gibran was right about sorrow and joy. It means that sometime in the future, hopefully near, I will be capable of so much joy that it will burst my heart just as completely as it's now breaking. Burst or break. It's funny how similar the idea is.. and yet.. how completely opposite the meaning.